When someone you love dies, the last thing you want to think about is interviewing people. You’re exhausted, you’re grieving, and there are already a hundred things on your plate. Knowing the right questions to ask a funeral celebrant is one of the most important things you’ll need during this time, because the person you choose will be the one to tell your loved one’s story.
I want this to be helpful, not overwhelming. So here’s what I’d want you to know, and what I’d genuinely want you to ask me, or any other celebrant you speak to.
How do families usually find a funeral celebrant?
Often, your funeral director will suggest someone. A good funeral director knows their local celebrants well, and over time they get a real feel for which celebrants suit which families. They’ll pick up on things such as the way you talk about your loved one or the kind of service you seem to want, and use that information when selecting celebrants to recommend to you.
That recommendation comes from experience, and it’s worth listening to, but it’s also worth knowing that you don’t have to take it.
You’re absolutely free to find your own celebrant whether that’s through a friend’s recommendation, an internet search, or a professional directory. What matters is that whoever you choose feels right for your family.
I absolutely believe not every celebrant is right for every family. We all bring our own personalities, styles, and approaches to what we do. Some celebrants are quietly reverent whilst others are more storytellers. Some are great with humour, others with more formal or traditional services. None of that makes anyone better or worse, it just means the fit matters.
So please, have a chat before you commit. Most celebrants, myself included, are very happy to have a no-pressure conversation before you make any decisions.
Questions to ask a funeral celebrant before you decide
“Can you tell me a bit about how you work?”
This is a lovely open question to start with because it lets the celebrant show you who they are. How do they go about getting to know someone they’ve never met? What does the process look like from first conversation to the day itself?
For me, it starts with sitting down with you, usually in the comfort of your own home, over a brew and just listening. I want to hear about the person who has died. Not just the dates and facts, but the funny things they said, the things that drove you mad about them, what their laugh sounded like, what they were proud of. That’s where the real ceremony comes from.
The way a celebrant answers this question will tell you a great deal about whether they’re the right fit.
“How many times will we meet, and when will I see a draft?”
Practically speaking, you want to understand what the process involves. Will you meet in person, or does everything happen over the phone? When will you get to read through what’s been written, and are you able to ask for changes?
You should never be hearing the ceremony for the first time on the day itself. A good celebrant will share a draft with you, welcome your feedback, and make sure you’re comfortable with every word before the service takes place.
“Have you done services like ours before?”
Every funeral is different, but there are situations where experience genuinely matters. Military funerals, for instance, have their own traditions and protocols, and as someone who has served as an Army Reservist for over 32 years whilst also being a military family, this is an area I understand deeply, not just professionally but personally.
Services for babies or children are among the most difficult anyone can face. Celebrations of life held separately from the cremation or burial have a different feel entirely.
You don’t need a celebrant who’s done everything, but it’s perfectly reasonable to ask whether they have experience with anything specific to your circumstances, and how they’d approach it.
“What if we want something a bit different?”
Whether that’s an unconventional piece of music, a reading from a grandchild, a moment of humour in amongst the tears, or a particular ritual that’s meaningful to your family, a good celebrant will absolutely work with you to make it happen.
I always say: it’s your ceremony. My job is to help you shape it, not to tell you what a funeral should look like.
“What happens if something goes wrong on the day?”
It’s not a fun question, but it’s worth asking. What if the celebrant is suddenly taken ill? What backup arrangements do they have? How do they handle unexpected moments during a service such as a microphone that isn’t working, or someone who needs a little more time?
A confident, experienced celebrant won’t be thrown by this question. They’ll have thought about it.
“What are your fees, and what’s included?”
Celebrant fees vary, and there’s nothing wrong with asking about this clearly and upfront. You should understand exactly what’s covered: the meetings, the writing, any rehearsal, and the service on the day. There should be no surprises later on.
If you’re booking a celebrant through the funeral director, they will normally include this in their fees and provide you with this info.
“What qualifications do you have?”
It’s worth asking about training and qualifications too. Funeral celebrancy isn’t currently regulated in the UK, which means anyone can technically call themselves a celebrant. Asking about their qualification, how recently they trained, and whether they commit to ongoing professional development will help you gauge how seriously they take their role.
(I was trained by Civil Ceremonies and hold a NOCN Level 3 qualification in funeral celebrancy, and I’m committed to continuing to develop my practice. I’m also a member of the Association of Independent Celebrants.)
How do I know if a funeral celebrant is right for us?
After you’ve spoken to a celebrant, even for just fifteen minutes, think about how they make you feel.
- Do you feel heard?
- Do you feel like they got what you were saying about your person?
- Does their personality feel like a good fit for your family?
That instinct matters. You’re trusting this person to stand up and speak on behalf of someone you love, in one of the most significant moments your family will share. It’s okay to be a little selective.
If you’d like to have a conversation with me, completely informally, no obligation at all, I’d love to hear about your loved one. You can get in touch at withhonour.co.uk/contact-us or via email: hannah@withhonour.co.uk
Whatever you decide, I hope you find someone who helps you give your loved one the farewell they deserve.